Now that Rudy Giuliani has made it safe to diss lawyers again:
Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that used car salesmen would have someone to look down upon.
Q: What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.
Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Why don’t lawyers fear shark attacks while swimming?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a slimy scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other is a fish.
Small child: Daddy, can two people be buried in the same grave?
Her father: Why?
Child: Because this tombstone says, “HERE LIES A LAWYER AND AN HONEST MAN”
This view is looking Southeast towards the city of Kingston (pop. 30,000), the county seat of Ulster County. Not quite visible off to the right (down the Hudson River) is the city of Poughkeepsie (pop. 45,000), the county seat of Dutchess County. Dutchess County is across the Hudson River. "Kingston" is an English name, from "King's Town", and "Poughkeepsie" (pronounced "Po KIP see") is a Native American (Indian) name meaning roughly "where the fresh spring flows into the river" (according to one accepted translation). The Hudson River is tidal all the way up to the city of Troy (about 150 miles/300 km) north of New York City. The "Salt Point", where the river's water begins to turn from fresh to brackish, varies with tide and river flow, but is usually somewhere around Poughkeepsie. One of the bridges across the Hudson is visible in this photo: the Kingston-Rhinecliff Bridge, carrying NY 199 between the Town of Ulster and Rhinecliff on the far side. Other notable local bridges link Poughkeepsie with the Hudson's west (right) bank: the now-unused 1885 railroad bridge at Poughkeepsie, considered an engineering landmark and recently reopened as a pedestrian walkway; and the Franklin D. Roosevelt Mid-Hudson Bridge, a 1932 suspension bridge. Speaking of FDR, his estate at Hyde Park is just north (left) of Poughkeepsie (but out of this photo). In the mid and late 19th centuries, many palatial estates and mansions were built on both sides of the Hudson River.
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Last updated Wed, 08 Feb 2017 at 10:26 PM